Trust Is Built Before the Negotiation

One of the things I've learned over the years is that trust is rarely built when it is needed. By the time trust becomes important, it already exists or it doesn't.

Most people think negotiations are won or lost at the negotiating table. My experience has been that the most important negotiations are largely determined before anyone sits down to discuss terms. I learned that lesson early in my career.

Less than two years out of college, I found myself representing a small Vermont utility in a negotiation with the largest utility in the state. The utility had significant power quality problems. At the same time, it was paying high electric rates because of the way power was being supplied to the community.

My organization developed a proposal that would address both problems. The challenge was getting the deal done. That responsibility ultimately fell to me.

On one side of the table was a senior utility executive with decades of experience. On the other side was a recent college graduate who was still figuring things out.

The more I learned about the situation, the more I realized my biggest problem wasn't negotiating. It was understanding the utility well enough to avoid making a fool of myself. So, I attended their meetings. I learned about their system. I rode around with their line crew. I asked questions. At the time, I wasn't trying to build trust. I was trying to understand the problem.

One day, a longtime lineman took me on a tour of the utility's system. At the time, I thought he was teaching me. Years later, I realized he was evaluating me. As we drove, he asked question after question about the system. Sometimes I knew the answers. Sometimes I didn't. When I didn't know, I said so. Looking back, I think that mattered more than anything I actually knew. He wasn't testing my expertise. He was testing whether I would pretend to have expertise I didn't possess.

Over time, the board began to trust me. Not because I always had answers. Because they knew I wouldn't make them up. That trust became visible during a particularly memorable meeting.

Frustrated by the pace of negotiations, the senior executive arranged a meeting directly with the small utility’s board. The board agreed to the meeting. They also asked me to attend. When the meeting began, the board chair informed everyone that while the board would listen, I was their representative and I would be speaking on their behalf.

In that moment, I realized something important. The negotiation itself was largely irrelevant. The board had already decided who they trusted.

 That decision wasn't made in the meeting. It wasn't made during a presentation. It wasn't made because of a title. It was made over the months of my trying to understand their problems, learning how their system worked, and being honest about what I didn't know.

I've seen the same pattern repeat itself throughout my career. People often assume influence comes from expertise. Expertise matters. But expertise alone rarely creates influence. People listen to the people they trust. And trust is often built while you're focused on something else entirely.